The Master List
by Solo By Choice
Summary: The Master List of Things That I, Adric, Must Not Do While On the TARDIS Or Traveling With the Doctor In Any Capacity." 58. Try to figure out why all of us seem to wear one color all the time


The Master List of Things That I, Adric, Must Not Do When In the TARDIS or Otherwise Traveling With the Doctor in Any Capacity

Be a little smartass (oops, too late)

Reprogram K9 to call the Doctor "Mistress"

Smoke anything I find anywhere, especially the lab

Make lame attempts to steal fruit

Go into the bathroom when anyone (especially Romana) is in the shower

Attempt to see anyone (especially Romana) naked

Mess with the TARDIS controls

Steal any item of the Doctor's clothing because they will not fit me

Steal any item of Romana's clothing because I am not a woman nor will I ever be one

Get a sex change

Get a tattoo (especially of curse words or the seal of Rassilon)

Suffix everything with "of Rassilon" (such as "underpants of Rassilon" or "nostril of Rassilon")

Try to get money off the Doctor when he's drunk

Memorize dirty songs and try to get the Doctor to sing them when he's drunk

Tell Romana that the Doctor got drunk

An addendum to #5: I may not surprise Romana in the shower because that is perverted. I may not surprise the Doctor in the shower because it will make me feel inadequate. (Note: ask the Doctor what he meant by that and why Romana smacked him afterwards.)

Cut the Doctor's hair when he is sleeping

Make fun of the Doctor's hair

Do basically anything to the Doctor's hair (including brushing it)

Point out that after the Doctor's hair is brushed, he resembles a brown dandelion

Turn up the humidity in the TARDIS

Ask the Doctor and Romana if they've ever had sex (with each other)

Tell the Doctor and Romana that they probably should

Eat the last green jelly baby

Inject alien DNA into Romana's veins for whatever reason

Wear the plaid skirt from the wardrobe. Only Scottish men may wear plaid skirts and I am not one.

Dye Romana's hair

Cheat at cards

Beat K9 at chess and then proceed to tell the Doctor about it

Beat the Doctor at chess

Mispronounce Romana's full name

Shave off the Doctor's sideburns

Stick them to my face

Ask the Doctor why his sideburns are a different color than the rest of his hair

Ask the Doctor why he has no eyebrows

Cannibalize K9 for parts

Build a robot to serve me or clean my room

Accidentally call the Doctor and Romana my parents because they are not

Speculate as to what a child produced by that union would be like

Send Romana a Valentine's card from the Doctor

Pretend like I don't know the "Facts of Life" and make the Doctor explain them to me

In detail

Sing ABBA at two in the morning

Tell people that I'm descended from spiders and marsh people

Tie bows in my hair

Additions to the Master List Made After Romana and K9's Departure

Ask the Doctor why he ran out of K9-making kits

Point out that all the burgundy makes the Doctor look like a tired old man

Complain about the nasty things I've had to clean out of the shower drain (especially at dinner)

Set the TARDIS translation so we all sound like the monkeys from "2001: A Space Odyssey)

Open the door while in flight to see if the vortex looks like the really trippy sequence form "2001"

Ask the Doctor why he used to be friends with a corpse

Mention Romana too much

Ask the Doctor about the question marks

Straighten the Doctor's hair

Additions to the Master List Made After That Weird Affair On Logopolis and at the Pharos Project

Eat the celery

Develop a major crush on Nyssa

Attempt to see anyone naked or in the shower because that's being perverted and Tegan will kill me

Try to figure out why all of us seem to wear one color all the time

Ask the Doctor if his pants are candy-stripped too

Steal Nyssa or Tegan's underwear

Mention rabbits

Eat the last piece of chocolate

Call the Doctor "Master" at any juncture

Ask why K9 called the Doctor "Master" and if the Master has a robot dog that calls him "Doctor"

Ask too many questions about this whole regeneration thing

Land the TARDIS at the edge of a cliff

Imitate Tegan's accent

Read Tegan's diary

Try to get the Doctor drunk

Try to understand cricket

Invent worlds built on my computations

Steal Nyssa's tiara

Try to figure out if Nyssa is the Doctor and Romana's child

Streak up and down the TARDIS halls

Piss Tegan off

Write or read slash fanfiction

Leave fake positive pregnancy tests in Tegan's trash can

Compare the current Doctor with the old one

Do vector calculus on the walls of my room

Imagine Nyssa in nothing but the fuzzy boa thing from the wardrobe

Curl the Doctor's hair

To Be Continued (Unless I Die or Something)


End file.
